What To Do When Sh*t Hits the Fan
Some of you may know that a lot of sh*t hit the fan in my life in December 2021-January 2022 and the months surrounding it. We’re not gonna talk about the details of that because it really doesn’t matter. Stuff goes sideways in people’s lives all the time. The short story is that one day, things were one way and then they were different the next. This was a tough time in my life and frankly, I didn’t know how to navigate it because I had never been through something like it before. I learned a few things along the way that I’d like to share for the inevitable time(s) in your life when sh*t hits the fan. It happens to all of us. Sometimes these moments are way outside of our control and it can be all too easy to beat up on ourselves during them.
Get quiet, slow down, dig deep and spend some time in self-reflection. It can be hard to spend time with yourself in moments like these. Some of us want to run from ourselves, pretend things aren’t happening, sweep things under the rug, start a fight and defend ourselves, etc. I have learned that times like these give us a very unique opportunity to get to know the innermost parts of ourselves that often don’t get to be seen in the light. It can be a gift if you let it be a gift. I had to resist the urge to fight, defend and armor up and instead, let myself turn inward and spend some time with me.
Lean on your support network. Some of us want to run and hide during tough times. Our fight, flight and freeze instincts might kick in. Resist the urge to run away from people. People who are truly your friends and know you deeply are going to stick around. I’m telling you, you can be healed when you let other people show up for you. In tough times, let people care for you. You don’t have to do it all alone. Sometimes, other people can see and bandage wounds for you that you just can’t do on your own - either because you don’t have the capacity, the strength, or you can’t even recognize your own wounds while you’re in the middle of suffering.
Own your truth. The only person who knows your truth is you. Remember that you might not fully understand anyone else’s truth and that’s okay. They will never fully understand yours either. People are entitled to their own perspectives, even if you see things a different way. Let go of the need to know every detail about what is true or not and instead, spend some time in your truth. Work on healing yourself. You don’t need the validation of other people.
Let them talk about you and let them be wrong about you. People can have whatever opinions they want to have about you. You really can’t change that. You know what is true and what is not. Their judgments, assumptions, and lies say more about them than they do about you. Let them be wrong. I can tell you there is healing that comes from letting people talk about you and letting it roll off your shoulders (and sometimes cry about it, that’s cool too). Guess what, you’re still you and you’re still okay. You are a living testimony to your own strength.
Let time heal. It’s true what they say - time can be the greatest healer. When you are in the middle of something tough, it will feel like your life is ruined and the pain will never end. There is hope on the other side. Just hold on.
Draw on a source outside of yourself. For me, this has been my faith in God. But no matter what it is, it’s important to recognize that we all need to draw on power and strength and love outside of ourselves. This can come in the form of friends, family, community, your own spirituality, being in nature, etc. but I just want to encourage you to recognize when you need to get your strength from elsewhere.
Sending love and peace to those of you who are in the middle of a struggle right now. Things might never be the same, and you might change, and what is on the other side might actually surprise you.
