The Healing Power of Therapy
I began therapy in 2013, so it is officially my 10-year anniversary of being well taken care of by therapists. Woooohoooo! Go me! I think, over these last 10 years, I have seen 5 different therapists (but there are probably some I’m forgetting). A therapist in college became the first place I landed as I was dealing with my grief after the loss of my aunt. When I returned to campus the following semester after her passing, I was really struggling with some low-level anxiety, deep sadness and some memory loss. I didn’t really know what to do, and I knew that going to counseling services was free, so I thought I would give it a chance. I ended up sticking with it for most of my college journey and it was incredibly helpful.
My first therapist diagnosed me with PTSD which was not just related to the loss of my aunt, but a number of other losses in a very short time period too. I was struggling a bit to keep up in school and was having trouble remembering things. I remember learning for the first time about how trauma impacted the brain. I learned that it was actually quite normal to experience memory loss after significant trauma. Just knowing this fact was healing for me. Rather than feeling like I was totally alone with these weird symptoms, I began to realize that my reaction to trauma was pretty much what it was supposed to be. Learning coping strategies like meditation, journaling, mindfulness practices, breathing, movement, etc. were super helpful to me and became regular practices in my life. Processing so much grief in college was challenging, mostly because when you are sharing a room with someone and always around people, it can be hard to get the alone time you need to really dig into your feelings and feel a sense of safety being vulnerable. On the other hand, my friends really showed up for me in big and small ways that made a huge difference.
One of the most important parts of being in therapy over the years has been finding someone who works well with you. That is going to look different for all people. There have been times in my life when I needed a soft landing spot in a therapist and other times when I was desperately looking for someone to call me out on my sh*t. Whatever you need is perfectly okay, but it is important to be honest with yourself about what you are hoping to get out of therapy so you can find someone who works well for your needs.
I’ve come to think of therapy less like crisis management, but more like preventive maintenance. Recently I’ve been in therapy not for a major crisis going on in my life (thank goodness), but because I know it is good for my mind, heart and soul and will help me to become the next level of myself. I never want to stop growing (at that point, I might as well be dead). Being in therapy in times of relative calm is a good practice too. It can serve as a useful space to dig deeper, to continue to solidify good practices for yourself and help prepare you for the next storm (because they always come).
In this season of my life, I’ve come to accept therapy as a regular practice for me because I don’t want to pass my trauma on to my friends, my family, my coworkers or my future children. I want the trauma to stop with me. During so many hard times in my life, I have been impatient and tough on people in my life as I was trying to navigate my own pain. There is nothing helpful about taking out your issues on other people. I’ve been the victim and the perpetrator of that behavior way too many times and I’m done with it. I am committed to limiting the negative impact I have on other people, and the way you navigate that is by digging into the depths of your issues (and I have many!) Therapy, for me, has been one of the most helpful ways to put a stop to my negative ways of being and to be a force for goodness, love, mercy, generosity and grace in the world.
I know going to find a therapist for the first time can be scary and overwhelming. There can be a stigma associated with going to a therapist. I am here to say it is strong and brave to take that step. Investing in yourself is the best investment you can make. I have learned that over and over again. One resource that has been incredibly helpful to me through many moves and relocations is Zencare (not sponsored, LOL). This has helped me navigate finding the right practitioner soooooo many times. Check it out!
If you’re thinking about taking that first step, I just want you to know that you are amazing and you are worth it.
