Soft is Strong.
I’ve learned the hard way that my softness and my vulnerability is my greatest strength. Our culture often prioritizes getting over things, moving past hard stuff, and pretending everything is okay. We all get socialized into that in one way or another. As a woman in leadership, there was definitely a point in time when I overcompensated and tried to hide the softer, more tender parts of myself so I didn’t get mistaken for weak. I tried to put on my tough girl persona and I thought that by armoring up, toughening up, and pretending that nothing impacted me, I would just walk my way through life successfully, with fewer scars. There are times when an approach like that can be helpful, but I know from experience that it can cause more harm than good.
In 2022 and 2023, I have cried more tears than I have over my entire life collectively. I’m still trying to figure out exactly why that is happening LOL. My best guess is that my constant posture of armoring up got a little bit overused ;) and there have been a lot of built-up feelings, emotions, and sadness that need a home. I’ve been letting the tears flow more than ever before. If it’s a Sunday, I’m probably crying. It doesn’t feel like those tears are full of shame or embarrassment like they used to. They feel like I’m taking my power back. It feels powerful to admit that I have feelings, that I get sad, that things hurt me, that I’m human. There is power in those tears. I know plenty of really smart people (Brené Brown and many others) who have wisely told us that vulnerability is strength. But it is one thing to know that in your mind and another thing to live it, to feel it, and to embody it. That’s the part we’re still working on over here.
The places that are most tender in my life are the places my power really comes from. It’s easy to feel like those tender places make me broken or fragile, but the truth is, they make me whole. They give me a perspective that is critical for my existence and for showing up as a compassionate person in the world. My power, my goodness, my strength, and my contributions to the people around me come from those tender places. I don’t need to cover them up anymore.
It has taken so much healing and loving myself to get to a place where I don’t carry constant shame about my tender places and soft spots. It can be so easy to try to fill the voids and the gaps of the tender spots by taking out our feelings on other people, by getting reactive, or by getting angry to defend ourselves. I’ve tried that life and the short story is that it wasn’t working. Now, I’m learning that showing up differently in the world requires a different approach.
The new approach we’re working on over here is leaning into the tender parts, showing myself some real compassion and love, and allowing those spaces to become spaces of power in my life. What I’ve found is that when I’m able to be real about the parts that have been bruised or broken, I am able to build more loving and meaningful relationships with people around me. I’m not helping anyone (or myself) by pretending those spaces don’t exist.
Why did anyone ever try to convince us that we had to act like we had it all together all of the time? Our soft places make us strong. They make us who we are. I wouldn’t be the Kelly I am today without the bumps, the bruises, the cuts, and all of the tender wounds. They deserve my utmost care, love, and affection. I made a promise to myself that I would stop compromising my own care to please other people. I am no good to anyone when I’m not my best self. I deserve it and so does everyone else around me.
So here’s to more feelings, more sadness, more tears, more soft spots. They are your greatest treasure. ❤️ Soft is strong.
