Loving Myself Better
I’ve always had a pretty high regard for myself (helllloooo, enneagram 8!). I’m confident in myself most of the time, and pretty sure of who I am. I recognize these all as gifts and I know that doesn’t always come naturally for people. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have self-doubt or moments where I don’t feel so confident. It happens to all of us.
This year, I’ve really tuned into self-care and found tangible practices to love myself better. But for me, what it all really comes down to is my mindset. I’ve talked a lot before about the practices that help me love myself well - time with friends, time in prayer, walking, working out, music, time on the beach, yoga and meditation, eating foods that love me back, and a whole bunch of other things. But at the center of it all is a mindset of self-love that I’ve cultivated over time. To me, these practices are the support mechanisms I have in place to uphold my sense of self-love, but at the core is my mindset and the way I think about and talk to myself. None of these practices alone are enough to secure my sense of self-love, but they all make a difference on a daily basis.
At the center of my being is my mindset. The way I choose to define mindset though is broader than just my brain. My brain is a piece of the puzzle, but so is my body and my heart. All of these pieces of myself contribute to my sense of well-being. How do we cultivate a mindset of self-love? For me, I think it starts with how I treat and talk to myself. It’s always helped me to think about how I treat my very best friends as a framework for how I should be treating myself. The same way I would care for a friend or talk to a friend is now how I talk to myself. There’s no room in my life for negative self-talk. It’s become a non-negotiable for me. When I look in the mirror, I know there are always going to be things I wish were a little different. I might wake up with a breakout or an extra 5 lbs that are bothering me or my hair just isn’t doing what I want it to on a particular day. Those things are always going to exist. But today, I don’t let myself go down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk. It’s unproductive and diminishes all of the amazing things about me.
Instead, my self-talk is as if I was talking to my best friend. It often sounds like - you’re hot, you’re intelligent, I love those extra 5lbs, your face looks a little tired today because you gave all of your energy yesterday to good things and causes, and I love you for who you are. A few years ago, I bought a big mirror for my bedroom. For a while, I didn’t have a mirror in my room on purpose because I was trying to avoid opportunities for negative self-talk and the feelings the mirror might bring up. When I bought this mirror, I made a point of sitting down every day and writing an affirmation to myself on a post-it and sticking it to the mirror. I had to reframe the thought pattern in my head as a thought pattern of love rather than self-hatred. And I’m telling you, it’s working! This isn’t just a cute story I’m making up. This is for real. It’s amazing how things shift when we start to love ourselves and talk to ourselves differently.
I’d encourage you to think of a practice that would help you love yourself better. For me, affirmations are my love language and make a real difference in the way I look at myself. Life is too hard for us to make it any harder with our own negative self-talk. Change the narrative you have about who you are. You’re amazing just the way you are and you deserve to be loved so deeply ❤️
