Cultivating the Light Inside
I’ve been sitting in front of my Christmas tree on most nights over the past two weeks. If you know me, you’ve already heard me complain 175 times about the fact that it is dark at 5:07pm. I just can’t, y’all. I’m a summer baby through and through. I thrive in the sunshine and my mood has been a good reminder that it is reaaaaaalll dark these days. December is always a struggle for me. It’s dark. I’m cold. I’m tired. My muscles are hurting. I want a break. Keep reading, I promise it will get more positive.
Back to my Christmas tree. This year, I decorated very early (prior to Thanksgiving). Who am I these days? Not sure. If you know me well, you know that I keep a fully decorated Christmas tree (a fake one) in my basement year-round with a combination of plastic coverings and a bedsheet to keep dust off of it. I swear by my foolproof method of decorating. You simply carry the tree upstairs, pray you don’t lose a few ornaments along the way and plug it in. BAM! You’re done. Christmas in 3 seconds. Does it take all of the fun out of the tradition of decorating? Probably, but your girl is all about efficiency over here. I want to feel merry and bright, but I don’t want to take any extra time to get there.
So I’ve been sitting in front of this bright tree after work on the nights when I would normally be on my daily walk with friends. I’m not my best self when I’m inside by myself in the dark. So much so that I had to text my friends last week and demand an impromptu hangout because it was too much Kelly sitting by herself in the dark time. I was reaching my limits. But as I’ve been sitting there admiring that tree and all of the pretty lights in my house, I got to thinking. When it’s dark outside, we have these traditions of bringing the light inside. There’s a way to look at that with a sense of despair - it is so dark that we can no longer be outside in the light. But I started to flip that thought around in my head. Dark, winter months give us a unique opportunity to get up close to the light inside of ourselves in a way that we probably don’t get to all year. Because everything gets so dark around us, we are forced to recognize the light within. We get to sit up close to the light in our own souls and the darkness helps us see the light more clearly.
There’s something beautiful about that to me. Instead of spending this season focusing on how dark it is all around us, could we get quiet enough to check in on the light in our souls? It’s there, it just may have been drowned out by light and noise around it all year long. This season offers us a chance to see more clearly again. I’m trying to soak up all of the moments of quiet and stillness that I can this Advent season and join in Mary’s waiting season. I am trying to sit with my hands wide open to the promises of God that are still unfulfilled in my life. I’m trying to name those desires and wants out loud and simultaneously recognize the light and goodness that already exists inside my own soul.
The light is there. Sometimes we just need to let the darkness help us see it more clearly. Here’s your invitation this season: how can you spend intentional time cultivating your own light?
