No Quick Fixes: Sitting in the Slow Work of Healing
We live in a culture that prioritizes quick fixes, weight-loss pills, one million Amazon products that will change your life in a day (guilty of a few of those purchases), and a focus on instant gratification. The hardest lesson I’ve had to learn in this healing journey is to have patience and realize that it is going to take time. The journey of healing for me is about daily practices and showing up for myself. It means prioritizing the things that will make me feel well and whole and good while removing the things that don’t. Those little things don’t equal an overnight solution. This can be frustrating. We all want to feel happier and healthier and more whole, and quickly. We don’t like when things take time. But I’m learning to find joy in the waiting and what is yet to be. I’ve been learning a lot in this journey and I am trying to remain grateful for all of it, even the slow and still moments. They, too, are a gift.
Sometimes when I get frustrated about how long it seems to be taking to heal, I have to do some reframing. In a lot of ways, when you get some time and space from your trauma and hardships of life, it can feel like the things you’ve been through shouldn’t be THAT difficult to work through. You start to forget the depth of how it felt when you were right in it. After 10 years of processing grief, I would like to think that this sh*t should be easy by now. But it’s not. The fact that the healing work is so slow is a really helpful reminder to me that these things are significant, and I should stop gaslighting myself about it. Instead of getting frustrated about the timeline I’m on, it helps me to be more grateful for what it is that I’ve been carrying. I start to think - if it is taking this amount of time to work through this stuff, it’s a good reminder to be patient and gentle because I know I’ve been carrying a heavy weight. I have also learned that once you start to sit with and face the trauma you’ve experienced, it starts to unlock other things that you haven’t yet seen that need to be processed. Patience is helpful here.
When the journey feels super long, I try to focus on the many gifts I have already received along the way. There are so many practices in my life right now that I truly do not think I would have had it not been for the challenges, the bumpy roads, the setbacks, the heartbreak, the grief, and all of the tough stuff. There are some real, tangible parts of my life that I really don’t think I would have without the tough stuff. These are things like my daily walks, regular movement, eating well, sleeping like a baby, therapy, having the most supportive and amazing friends in my life, having a deep relationship with God again, and so much more. These are such gifts. They have given me so much of my life back. Who would I be without those things? I really don’t know and don’t want to. Despite all of the bumpy things along the journey, they have all brought me back to myself and back to a new sense of wholeness in a way I was desperate for. It’s in those moments where we need to really show up for ourselves that we start to learn about the things that make our daily lives healthy, happy, and more whole.
Taking the healing journey slowly is really a challenge and an invitation to those of us who are impacted by the hustle and bustle that living in a capitalist society gives us. There are few places in life where there is a real invitation to slow down. Lately, slowing down has been saving me. The slow, healing work has been saving me. To sit in my feelings, to be patient, and not rush the process is such a gift. I keep trying to savor that instead of wishing it was over already.
Next week, I celebrate my 29th birthday! This one feels exciting to me as I head into the last year of my 20s. I’m going to spend this next week reflecting on what I’ve learned and done in the last 28 years and what I hope for my 29th year. The girl I am now is someone I deeply admire, respect, and love. I don’t think I would know this version of Kelly without all of the sucky stuff. It has made me who I am and I am always grateful for that ❤️
I leave you with one question as you continue to navigate your own healing journey (and to be used especially when it feels slow). When you wake up each day, perhaps ask yourself this question: How am I showing up for myself today? Let’s not get so focused on the end goal that we miss all of the goodness in the small, slow, still moments.
