Celebrating My 30th!
In just about a week, I turn 30 (June 10 to be exact). What a decade it has been. I’ve been talking to my friends recently about the fact that your 20’s are a very wild roller coaster (or at least they were for most of us). When you stop to think about everything that has happened in the last decade, it’s pretty crazy. Finished undergrad, graduated with my Master’s, lived in 4 different states, worked at 3 different colleges in a few different roles, built so many friend groups collected from all of those places, started and ended a few relationships, gained weight, lost weight, gained muscle, learned to love my body more, navigated chronic illness, been alongside friends as they got married, had kids, had breakups, navigated relationships, and many many more important moments along the way. What a ride! It has been fun, it has been full of challenges, it has been a beautiful experience and it has been so meaningful. But it has also been a whirlwind. That’s the beauty of life I guess.
As I gear up to begin my 30th year and the next decade, I can’t help but sit and reflect on some of the major things that I’ve learned about myself in the last decade, and especially over this last year.
Trust your gut and trust God. This probably doesn’t sound surprising coming from an Enneagram 8, but this year I have been more and more aligned with the intelligence of my gut and my body in ways that have been affirming and healing. When you know, you should trust it and move accordingly. When someone or something isn’t for you, you know it. Trust it. When something or someone is for you, it will feel different. Trust it. I can’t promise you won’t ever be hurt or be sad, but you’ll never regret trusting your gut. God can speak to us in all kinds of ways and I really believe that throughout my life, the Spirit has shown up in physical form to guide me and protect me, even when I didn’t recognize it. Looking back, I see all of the ways that God has been guiding me, protecting me and preparing the way for me. I’m grateful for the wisdom of my body and intuition that have helped guide me when I wasn’t sure which way to go. I’ve learned the hard way that I need to listen and trust that inner knowing. I really believe that it is coming from a loving God who sees things before I do and wants the best for me.
Commit to your friends, and stay in the conversation with them, even when it’s hard: My friends in my life now are people I have cultivated relationships with over the last 3-15+ years. Friendship is a long game. It takes work and it’s not for the faint of heart. I’ve learned that the friendships that last the test of time are the ones who you stay in the conversation with. When things get hard or messy, resist the urge to run away. The most meaningful relationships are forged when you go through something hard together. What I’m not saying is to stay in toxic, empty or destructive relationships. That just causes harm. What I am saying is that the people who really have your back will always be worth fighting for — don’t let the world push you apart or let you give up on one another. Sometimes, that feels like the easy way out. But the peace I feel when I go to sleep knowing that I am surrounded by the best of the best support network is unlike anything else. The love of my friends, my family and my people is everything to me.
I used to think grace and softness displayed my weakness, turns out they are really strengths. I’ve learned to give people the benefit of the doubt more and more over these last few years. Being cold, strict, and overly critical is honestly causing more harm to you than you think. I lived this way for a good chunk of years. It will eat you from the inside out. If you think this way of approaching other people is working, I would invite you to sit with it. We are all imperfect. I have 1,000 flaws that I know of and 1,000 more that I don’t know about yet. I want to live in a world where I can be met with empathy, grace and compassion, even when I mess up. Can we be the people who show up in this way? If not for other people (that would be cool), it can be equally or more beneficial for you and your own soul. Let’s be more gentle with people. This doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you, but it does mean giving them a chance, even when they are imperfect. Grace and softness have served me well in these last few years. I can breathe easier, love more deeply, and have more grace with myself too.
Everything passes with time, and you learn how to navigate. Even in the worst of times, I tell myself: I’ve handled all of the days before this. This one is no different. We will always go through hard things, be able to look back and see the things we learned from it and all the ways we grew. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck when you’re in it, but this is how we grow. Things will sting a little less with time. Have patience with yourself in the middle of the mess.
Honestly, getting older is a beautiful thing. I’m walking into this birthday super excited for what’s next. Over the past decade, I’ve gone through some sh*t, and I’m much better for it. I’m excited to know the 35 and 40 and 55 and 75-year-old versions of myself. 20-year-old Kelly wouldn’t believe where 30-year-old Kelly is now. I thought I knew who I was then, but each year brings more and more clarity. The peace and safety I feel at home with myself is more than I ever could have imagined. The journey that we are on is amazing, and we don’t need to be afraid of getting older and wiser.
The most beautiful people take care of the inside first. I like clothes and shoes and bags and being cute just as much as anyone. It’s fun to think you’re hot (you are!). But over the past decade, I’ve learned that real beauty comes from the inside. I’m so much less concerned with how I look on the outside, and so much more concerned with the state of my soul. Is my heart loving, open and accepting of others? Is my mind full of peace or worry? Is my body well taken care of? These are the things I spend time thinking about. That doesn’t mean I don’t like to put on a cute outfit or buy new sneakers or put myself together. It’s okay to like that stuff too. But the glow people have when their soul is in a state of health is not something you can replicate by covering it up in designer clothes. It just isn’t the same. Focus on your soul and the rest will follow.
Laugh a lot. Life is hard. My approach to most things is to try to make the best of it. I’ve learned that this does not mean skipping over the hard feelings and pretending like everything is fine but the truth is: life is hard. Laughing helps a lot. Some of the wildest storms I’ve navigated have been made easier by sitting around a table, on a beach, or around a fire with a cup of something alongside people I love and having a good belly laugh. It’s an essential element of healing.
I’m excited to see all of the ways I grow in this next decade. Love you all. Thanks for being along for the journey ❤️
Happy (almost) 30th to me!
